


an itemized list of reasons to hire me: please.

by rainbowblue13



Series: how did we get here? [9]
Category: Do No Harm (TV), Hamilton - Miranda, In the Heights - Miranda
Genre: Doppelganger shenanigans, F/M, Gen, deep talks, job hunting, mentions of kinks, usnavi and alex are the founders of the Protect Ruben Marcado squad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-28
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-10-25 03:26:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10755756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainbowblue13/pseuds/rainbowblue13
Summary: moneydude: that sucksmoneydude: cant say i relate thorebelen: You're Secretary of treasury, how are you not constantly flooded with work?moneydude: i get it done fastrebelen: Is that an analogy for your sex life?moneydude: p L SOr, Ruben's been too busy, he makes a choice, and he meets someone again.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> henlo
> 
> school is eh(tm) but ive been able to write a bit. the next chapter should be up tomorrow!
> 
> NOTE: this chapter is all safe and fun, but the next chapter deals with heavier stuff. i'll update the tags for it and put trigger warnings in the notes, as always!! stay safe

**moneydude:** @rebelen why do u always write like that

**rebelen:** Write how?

**moneydude:** In complete sentences with proper capitalization and no tpyos

**moneydude:**  *typso

**moneydude:**  this is an analogy for my life

**rebelen:** It's called auto-capitalization and autocorrect

**moneydude:** but w h y

**rebelen:** So that it automatically capitalizes the right words and makes sure I don't make typos

**moneydude:** live a little

**rebelen:** I work as a chemist. Mispelling a compound would be disastrous.

**moneydude:** eh fair enough

**rebelen:** I don't get why you don't have it though? You work in the government, isn't correct language pretty important?

**moneydude:** i have the capability of writing coherent sentences and words when on my phone, i just choose not to when in a non-professional environment.

**moneydude:** plus, im more for writing on paper anyway

**rebelen:** r: Dude, same! There's just a more natural flow from your thoughts to the paper, right?? 

**moneydude:** YES THANK YOU

**rebelen:** Of course, for me technology is indispensable due to my work and all but the actual brainstorming and rush of thoughts... typing doesn't cut it.

**moneydude:** theres actually a study on why that is, it has a great thesis, i can link u to it

**rebelen:** Ha I wish

**rebelen:** I have to finish a fuck ton of paperwork and tests by tomorrow 6 am

**moneydude:** sheesh

**moneydude:** that sucks

**moneydude:** cant say i relate tho

**rebelen:** You're Secretary of treasury, how are you not constantly flooded with work?

**moneydude:** i get it done fast

**rebelen:** Is that an analogy for your sex life?

**moneydude:** p L S

**usnavy:** evening, fellas

**moneydude:** i love it when u call us fellas

**usnavy:** :)

**usnavy:** what are you guys talking about

**rebelen:** W o r k

**usnavy:** i also love it when you guys do the s p a c e thing

**usnavy:** and christ, i'm with ya there. Sonny stocked the condoms next to the baby formulas again, it was a mess

**rebelen:** Your cousin sounds great, honestly

**moneydude:** omfffff thats hilarious

**usnavy:** don't get me wrong though, i love it here. the bodega is basically my home, and i love hearing the stories of everyone in the barrio

**rebelen:** So you're the neighborhood gossip

**usnavy:** nah hombre, that was all Daniela when she had her salon here

**usnavy:** but i guess i'm as close as it gets

**moneydude:** im with u, navi. the reason i ever have free time at all is that i love writing so much that even if i write a lot i do it quickly

**moneydude:** the only annoying thing about my job is ppl like jefferson and also when gwash calls me "son"

**usnavy:** that's actually kinda sweet, though

**moneydude:** HE IS N O T MY FATHER

**rebelen:** daddy

 

_moneydude has removed rebelen from "Los tres Cara-lleros"_

 

**usnavy:** ???

**usnavy:** dude

 

_usnavy has added rebelen to "Los tres Cara-lleros"_

 

**moneydude:** never say that again

**moneydude:** that is the p r e s i d e n t

**rebelen:** Lmao okay

**usnavy:** i dont get why you kicked him out tho

**moneydude:** usnavi i dont think i have the mental strength to explain to you what kinks are

**usnavy:** THAT'S A THING YOU GUYS SAID WHEN WE MADE THE GROUP AND I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT IT MEANS

**rebelen:** I thought you asked Sonny?

**usnavy:** he just looked at me horrified and pretended he didn't hear me

**moneydude:** fair enough

**usnavy:** so are you gonna tell me what it is??

**moneydude:** im not ready to ruin ur innocence like that

**usnavy:** whatever i'll just ask Nessa

**rebelen:** DO N O T ASK YOUR GIRLFRIEND WHAT KINKS ARE

**usnavy:** WHY??

**moneydude:** t r u s t u s

**usnavy:** DIOS MIO F I N E

**rebelen:** Is that like your catchphrase now?

**usnavy:** ??

**moneydude:** can we just go back to wherever this conversation was before it went to hell (thanks, @rebelen)

**rebelen:** Rude, but you're technically correct so I'm gonna let it slide

**usnavy:** we were talking about how we all love but hate our jobs

**rebelen:** *You guys love but hate your jobs

**rebelen:** I just hate it

**moneydude:** rlly? I thought u were a chemistry nerd

**rebelen:** I am

**rebelen:** But my job is just,,,, always ech?

**usnavy:** how?

**rebelen:** I hate working with other techs always next to me but I also hate working in an isolated lab, and all of the doctors remind me of bad shit and I just hate it

**moneydude:** ah, okay

**usnavy:** why do doctors remind you of bad stuff?

**rebelen:** I'll tell you later, @usnavy

**rebelen:** The main point is that it's horrible

**moneydude:** Why do you still work there then

**rebelen:** Cause I need a job, and lab stuff is the only thing I'm good for anyway

**moneydude:** um? that's not true at all??¿ wtf

**rebelen:** In what universe do I not need a job to sustain myself

**usnavy:** he means you wouldn't be useless even if you didn't work there

**moneydude:** yea its not the only thing ur good for

**rebelen:** List all my "great qualities", then

**rebelen:** See, you aren't typing anything cause chemistry is literally it.

**moneydude:** you can draw very well, you're the most patient person i've ever met next to Burr, you're also very smart outside of chemistry, resilient, humurous, willing to put up with my bullshit, hard-working, determined, a great friend and maybe a bit too humble for your own good @usnavy add anything i forgot cause theres more where that came from

**moneydude:** @rebelen NO I WAS JUST TAKING A LONG TIME TO WRITE THE LONG LIST LET US LOVE YOU

**usnavy:** i mean alex took most of the words out of my mouth, but you're also very kind and you know how to get stuff done, alex would probably phrase it as "having your shit together", passionate about the stuff you care about, supportive as hell and overall a good person

**moneydude:** ^^^^

**usnavy:** @rebelen ???

**rebelen:** Sorry I'm in the bathroom

**moneydude:** way to ruin the moment

**rebelen:** I mean I had to run to the bathroom to not cry in front of my coworkers cause you gave me feels

**usnavy:** @moneydude pendejo

**moneydude:** wh O O P S AND ALSO RUBEN IM SORRY WE MADE U CRY

**rebelen:** No no it's good tears, I'm just emo over how lucky I am that you guys are willing to put up with my crap

**usnavy:** <3

**moneydude:** <3<3<3<3

**rebelen:** Aaaaaah okay, I'm done

**rebelen:** Time to go back to my shitty job

**rebelen:** Y a y

**moneydude:** fuck that, man, why not just quit

**rebelen:** I still need a job, Alex

**moneydude:** you'll figure it out and we'll help you, go job hunting and find something that doesnt suck out ur soul

**rebelen:** But I'm dead inside

**moneydude:** dude

**rebelen:** K i d d i n g

**usnavy:** Alex is right, we'll help you out, you shouldn't stay where you're unhappy

**rebelen:** I dunno...

**usnavy:** do iiiiiiit

**moneydude:** quit quit quIT QUIT

**rebelen:** You know what

**rebelen:** Fuck it

**rebelen:** I'm quitting

**moneydude:** YES!!!

**usnavy:** *confetti*

**rebelen:** I'm actually gonna do this??? Oh my god??

**moneydude:** THATS MY MAN

**moneydude:** FUCK EVERYONE

**moneydude:** FUCK BELLEVUE HOSPITAL CENTER

**moneydude:** MORE LIKE BITCHVUE

**usnavy:** LOL!!

**rebelen:** FUCK BITCHVUE

**usnavy:** Yes!!!!!

**rebelen:** I'M FREE

**rebelen:** What do I do now??

**moneydude:** Write your letter of resignation!

**rebelen:** Um

**rebelen:** What?

**moneydude:** have u never quit a job? i mean its just a letter informing the hospital you dont wanna work there

**usnavy:** I've never quit a job before so @rebelen same

**moneydude:** @usnavy youve worked at the same place literally ur entire life

**rebelen:** Haha um

**rebelen:** What I mean is

**rebelen:** I think it's too late for that

**moneydude:** ??

**usnavy:** why?

**rebelen:** I just kinda walked up to the hospital chief, said "I'm out" and left

**moneydude:** oh

**rebelen:** And I may have flipped off several members of the staff as I walked out

**usnavy:** o h

**rebelen:** ... That was a bad idea, wasn't it?

**moneydude:** i wouldnt call it the best

**usnavy:** were you just texting us while all of this was happening?

**rebelen:** I'm a multitasker

**moneydude:** the mental image of ruben walking down bitchvue while texting on his phone and flipping everyone off is glorious though

**rebelen:** I also took a picture of me flipping out the actual building

**usnavy:** :0

 

_rebelen has sent a photo_

 

**moneydude:** beautiful

* * *

**rebelen:** So I have a question on the job thing

**rebelen:** H o w

**moneydude:** have u ever job hunted??

**rebelen:** Yes, but the problem is that I don't know what job to hunt FOR

**rebelen:** Preferably to do with chemistry but not hospital work

**rebelen:** And before you suggest it I'm not gonna do anything for the government or CDC

**moneydude:** but we would be work buddieeeees

**rebelen:** No?? We wouldn't??

**rebelen:**  On a sidenote I've never been in my apartment for this long I'm getting nervous

**usnavy:** whad'ya mean?

**rebelen:** I'm always at work, I'm not used to sitting down and not doing anything

**moneydude:** same

**usnavy:** same

**usnavy:** @rebelen why don't you take a walk outside, clear your head?

**rebelen:** That might not be such a bad idea

**moneydude:** what are u up to anyway @usnavy

**usnavy:** waiting for Vanessa to come and say hi  <33333

**moneydude:** u are so straight for her

**usnavy:** damn right

**moneydude:** going on a date?

**usnavy:** not so formal today, cause she's been working on lotsa stuff from her studio

**moneydude:** i thought she lived with you?? or near u

**usnavy:** she used to, but then she moved downtown. we still see each other alot

**moneydude:** oh that's cool. around where downtown tho?

**moneydude:** wait

**moneydude:** @rebelen didn't you say lived downtown once?

**usnavy:** "downtown" is a very vage description tho

**moneydude:** where downtown is yo gf then

**usnavy:** her studio's on Mercer St

**moneydude:** aight, i just realized that if they lived close to each other they wouldve seen each other by now

**moneydude:** which would've be hilarious

**usnavy:** Why is us getting mixed up with each other so entertaining to you??

**moneydude:** idk

 

_rebelen has added epa.nessa to "Los Tres Cara-lleros"_

 

**moneydude:** ??????

**rebelen:** So

**rebelen:** Funny story

**usnavy:** w ha???

**epa.nessa:** hi sweetie

**usnavy:** hi?? not that I'm not glad to have you here but

**usnavy:** what???

**moneydude:** i have no idea whats happening but i love it

**rebelen:** Apparently I'm Vanessa's downstairs neighbor, so when I went out for my walk we bumped into each other. Long story short we exchanged numbers and here she is

**usnavy:** @epa.nessa how have you not seen him before???

**epa.nessa:** He used to leave so early and arrive so late I nevr caught him. And hes a quiet one too, so no complaints

**moneydude:** its always the quiet ones ;;;)))

**rebelen:** Stop

**usnavy:** it's great that you're meeting for the first time jajajaja! this is awesome jajajjaja. meeting new people is great jja

**rebelen:** She already knows she kissed me that time I was filling in for you at the bodega

**usnavy:** oh

**rebelen:** Sorry about that

**epa.nessa:** it's no prob :*

 

**usnavy:** there are so many things happening ay dios mio

**epa.nessa:** its ok, we're all gon talk it out in a moment, we're almost there

**rebelen:** "We" being Vanessa and I

**usnavy:** bOTH OF YOU??

**moneydude:** i feel left out :(

**epa.nessa:** @moneydude come along then, it's gonna be cool seein all the fellas in 1 spot

**moneydude:** @usnavy did you get the "fellas" thing from her or is it the other way around??

**moneydude:** also I c a n t, i already have plans

**epa.nessa:** aww thats too bad :/

**moneydude:** craaawling in my skiiiiiin

**usnavy:** aLEX HELP I DON'T KNOW HOW TO HANDLE THIS SITUATION?? A A A H

**epa.nessa:** i'm assumin u meant to send that on private haha

**usnavy:** i

**moneydude:** you tried

**usnavy:** @epa.nessa how are you so chill about this

**epa.nessa:** usnavi, relaaax. what's there to stress over?

**usnavy:** i??? don't know ? ?

**moneydude:** i'm stressed 24/7 so same

**moneydude:** crAP i gtg or eliza's gonna kill me

**epa.nessa:** byeeee

**epa.nessa:** btw @usnavy we're around the block tell me u have cafe pls

**usnavy:** always  <33


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS IN THE END NOTES!  
> Recommended to read "this is what (who) i have to deal with?" first
> 
> Sorry I didn't upload, today didn't start off so great and then I had a headache, including the fact that I was out all day. Regardless, I hope you enjoy the chapter!

**usnavy:** hel l o

**moneydude:** are you being tentative in case it's the group chat again

**usnavy:** YES AND ALSO HOLY SHIT???

**usnavy:** how am i to handle this

**moneydude:** okay, lets break it down. what in particular has u stressed about Vanessa  & ruben?

**usnavy:** what are you talking about??

**moneydude:** isn't that the whole thing you were yelling abt earlier?

**usnavy:** yeah but right now that's whatever

**usnavy:** I talked to Ruben

**moneydude:** okay, and?

**usnavy:** like, TALKED with ruben

**moneydude:** i read it the first time bro

**usnavy:** he said he told you about this??

**moneydude:** ah

**moneydude:** the whole Jamaica thing?

**usnavy:** si

**moneydude:** he told you everything?

**usnavy:** from the doctor guy in philly to getting to NY

**moneydude:** okay that's gr8 because ive wanted to rant about that prick for so long but couldnt?? can i just !!!

**usnavy:** YES PLEASE

**moneydude:** jASON ONLY THINKS ABOUT HIMSELF 99.97% OF THE TIME. HE NEVER GAVE THOUGHT TO RUBEN OR EVEN SAFETY LIKE WITH THE SUPPRESSANT HE WAS TO L D WASNT DONE. EVERY ACTION IS JUST FOR HIMSELF, LIKE KEEPING RUBEN AWAY FROM A MILLION DOLLAR DEAL BC HE HAS A SHITTY SECRET, WHEN HE EASILY COULD HAVE SAID "O YAH I HAVE INSOMNIA LOL" INSTEAD OF HAVING TO ""CONFESS"" ABOUT IAN

**moneydude:** AND I THINK WE PRETTY KNOW HOW TERRIBLE IAN IS, SO LIKE?? LETS LOOK AT THE LIKE 1 TIME HE WAS CHILL, THE CLUB STUFF: HE'S STILL AN ASS. First, he terrorizes Ruben in his own home??? in front of his mom??? then after he take him to the club, nOT BC HE WANTS HIM TO ""RELAX"" BUT BC HE PROMISED TO BRING A CHEMIST. he manipulates ruben into actually taking his own mystery drug with some clever words anD GOD I'M JUST MAD

**usnavy:** F U C K THAT GUY

**moneydude:** I KNOW

**usnavy:** honestly?? if he ever appeared within a 5 mile radius or ruben i'd take Susanna and mess him up, make sure he gets the message

**moneydude:** same but also who's susanna

**usnavy:** it's what Sonny calls his baseball bat

**moneydude:** then s a m e

**moneydude:** now, onto more important things

**moneydude:** Ruben

**moneydude:** must be protected

**moneydude:** at a l l costs

**moneydude:** but lets not pity him bc he's a fucking badass getting through all that shit and that's gotta be respected

**usnavy:**  ALABANZA

**usnavy:** now i get why you told me to hug him that one time

**usnavy:** and why he looks like he always needs hugs?? just ugh

**usnavy:** he's such a great guy he didn't deserve this

**usnavy:** i couldn't even imagine

**moneydude:** i mean

**moneydude:** for me, all the shit in my life has really just happened because of /life/, y'know?

**moneydude:** sucks, but you cant do much

**moneydude:** with him it's so fucking unfair because fucking jason just straight up ruined his life

**usnavy:** ^^

**usnavy:** if the dude had backed off then ruben would be 100% fine

**moneydude:** GOD I KNOW I FUCKING HATE HIM

**moneydude:** both sides of the guy are horrible but cHRIST jason always gets on my nerves more

**moneydude:** just asking and asking ceaselessly

**usnavy:** i think that explains why ruben was under the impression that if he wasnt good for chemistry he wasn't good for anything?? it's heartbreaking

**moneydude:** i wanna find ian cole whatever so i can show him where my shoe f i t s

**usnavy:** gonna advice against that tho, cause i think the guy's still in treatment

**usnavy:** and maybe he won't be such a piece of shit afterwards

**moneydude:** as long as he leaves ruben the fuck alone

**usnavy:** amen

**moneydude:**  okay, it feels good to get all that off my chest

**usnavy:** me too

**usnavy:** i love how we've all known each other for such a short amount of time and yet we're like scarily close?

**moneydude:** the whole "literally identical" thing might've been a factor

**usnavy:** jaja yeah

**usnavy:** how long's it been? two weeks?

**moneydude:** about, yeah

**usnavy:** weren't you supposed to only be here for a week?

**moneydude:** the whole cabinet meeting incident got the financial plan more recognition, but it's still super controversial, so until we figure it out i'm staying

**usnavy:** u: "super controversial" when is anything you do not that

**moneydude:** tru

**usnavy:** also by incident do you mean the time I was you and I had to debate against that Thomas guy

**moneydude:** yup

**usnavy:** w h o o p s

**usnavy:** but at the same time, i'm kinda glad you're staying a bit longer

**moneydude:** that's two of us :)

**usnavy:** YOU FINALLY USED AN EMOJI

**moneydude:** THE SITUATION CALLED FOR IT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Mentions of manipulative behavior, violence and abuse. It's not gone into detail, but still be safe!
> 
> CREDIT: the Susanna-baseball bat headcanon was coined by @god-damn-it-miranda, and the entire rant on jason/ian was sent by a lovely anon upon my request on tumblr, thank you!!
> 
> Note: I'm not basing the end of DNH as canon, i'll explain what the situation is in later installments, but if you're ever confused/wanna know, send an ask my way! (ruben deserved better)
> 
> come cheer me up at my tumblr marianara-sauce (next chapter should be up tomorrow)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hERE IT IS!! oh boy!!!
> 
> also there were a couple people today that sent asks to my tumblr and i'm sO TOUCHED thank you to everyone that comments and kudos and all those great things y'all are great <3

 

**rebelen:** Things I learned yesterday:

**rebelen:** I apparently live right beneath Vanessa

**rebelen:** She's as cool as Usnavi described

**rebelen:** And Navi's coffee is an actual godsend

**epa.nessa:** alabanzaaa

**moneydude:** how can coffee be that good tho, they all taste the same

**usnavy:** ARE YOU TALKING SHIT ABOUT MY CAFE CON LECHE

**usnavy:** B I T C H ???

**rebelen:** I've never seen Usnavi get so aggressive before I'm concerned

**rebelen:** But also Alex you don't know what this coffee is like okay

**epa.nessa:** navi is sensitive bout this subject

**moneydude:** i don't even have coffee with milk tho, i always have it black

**rebelen:** s t i l l

**usnavy:** screw it you are coming over immediately and having coffee whether you want to or not

**epa.nessa:** babe relax

**usnavy:** i'm relaxed  <<<3

**epa.nessa:** :*

**rebelen:** @usnavy what is it with you and the heart emoji

**epa.nessa:** @moneydude seriously though, you should come over

**epa.nessa:** i gotta meet the other cara-llero

**usnavy:** SHE USED THE NAME!!! 

**moneydude:** we noticed lmao

**moneydude:** and i'd actually love to but we gotta focus on the more important task

**moneydude:** @rebelen ur job

**rebelen:** He's right, I'm kinda lost here

**usnavy:** @moneydude can't you do both though??

**moneydude:** u s n a v i

**usnavy:** esta bieen

**epa.nessa:** you do chemistry stuff right?

**rebelen:** Yea

**rebelen:** But I don't wanrt to do hospital work

**rebelen:** And I don't think I'm suited for government stuff

**moneydude:** offer still staaands

**moneydude:** also it's fucking surreal to see you make a typo

**usnavy:** chemistry makes stuff like drugs right? how about a pharmacist? not exactly hospital stuff right?

**rebelen:** It still hits a little close to home

**rebelen:** Fuck, I'm never gonna find anything in my field of interest

**moneydude:** don't give up now, dude! you can do it

**rebelen:** No

**moneydude:** @usnavy, teach this man some patience

**usnavy:** PACIENCIA Y FE, RUBEN

**epa.nessa:** teaching!

**epa.nessa:** couldn't u be a teacher or somethin?

**moneydude:** huh

**rebelen:** Don't I need a teachign degree or something?

**moneydude:** Actually, in some colleges if you're already an expert in your field u still have a chance

**usnavy:** Vanessa, you're a genius

**epa.nessa:** i know :)

**rebelen:** It still sounds like a long shot

**moneydude:** THAT DOESN'T MEAN U SHOULD THROW IT AWAY

**moneydude:** at least we know what kind of job to look for, this is good!

**usnavy:** give yourself some credit, cmon!

**rebelen:** Okay okay

**rebelen:** Thank you guys

**moneydude:** GASP !!!!!!

**moneydude:** @rebelen @rebelen @rebelen !!!

**rebelen:** WHAT

**moneydude:** i know EXACTLY where you can go

**moneydude:** the greatest place in the world

**moneydude:** KIIIIING'S COLLEGE

**epa.nessa:** just googled that, it's in London

**moneydude:** I MEAN COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY, I JUST CALL IT KING'S COLLEGE CAUSE THE ORIGINAL NAME IS BETTER

**epa.nessa:** googled it, and that IS in new york

**epa.nessa:** @rebelen you'll prolly have to take like two trains

**usnavy:** isn't there anything closer to him?

**moneydude:** IRRELEVANT

**moneydude:** i recommend it because not only is it amazing, but im one of their best alumni, current Secretary of Treasury of the US

**moneydude:** AAAND if i recommend someone with mad chem skills to teach they'll absolutely hire you, regardless of teacher degree things

**rebelen:** I appreciate the thought, but I don't just want a job handed to me

**moneydude:** understandable. still give it a try though? i won't meddle in or call, i promise. i'm certain you can get there through your own merit, okay? dont slam the brakes before you even turn the key

**rebelen:** That mini-speech actually kinda inspired me

**moneydude:** is that a yes??

**rebelen:** I guess? Yeah I'm gonna try it

**usnavy:** *confetti*

**epa.nessa:** you have a way with words dont you, @moneydude

**moneydude:** i'll admit i can amaze and astonish

 

_moneydude changed their name to "damnilton"_

 

**rebelen:** Lol

**usnavy:** oh speaking of words!! @epa.nessa what is a "kink"??

**damnilton:** USNA V I

**rebelen:** USNAVI NO

**epa.nessa:** ??

**damnilton:** hahahaaa domt worry abuot it vanessa we'll take care of this byee 

 

_damnilton has removed epa.nessa from the chat_

 

**usnavy:** RUDE

**usnavy:** WH Y DO YOU REFUSE TO TELL ME

**rebelen:** @damnilton I think we gotta

**damnilton:** oh b o y

**damnilton:** alright

**usnavy:** finallyyyy

**usnavy:** and don't leave out the "daddy" thing either!

**damnilton:** jesus fucking christ im gonna go to hell

* * *

**usnavy:** oh

**rebelen:** Yep

**damnilton:** we've ruined your innocence, im so sorry navi

**usnavy:** no i mean

**usnavy:** it explains a few things

**damnilton:** ??

**rebelen:** WHAT few things?

**usnavy:** uuuh

**usnavy:** a few things between me and vanessa

**damnilton:** HOOOOOOOOOOOOLY SHIT

**rebelen:** Holy s h i t

**damnilton:** DETAILS DETAILS DETAILS

**usnavy:** NOPE I'M JUST GONNA HAVE A LONG TALK WITH VANESSA IMMEDIATELY RIGHT NOW

**damnilton::** yeaaaah a long "talk"

**usnavy:** ENO U G H

**damnilton:** wear protection and have a safe word!!

**damnilton:** don't do anything i wouldn't do!

**usnavy:** what

**rebelen:** Im gonna go anywhere that isnt this aplrtment builidng because i am n o t stickign around for htat sitaution NOP E

**rebelen:** also @damnilton w h a t

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
> 
> Will Ruben get the job?? perhaps. who knows. Is Alexander kinky??? perhaps. who knows.
> 
> Also props to you if you catch the DEH easter egg!

**Author's Note:**

> I actually drew that one scene because why not draw self-indulgent fanart of my self indulgent fic
> 
> http://marianara-sauce.tumblr.com/post/159808115966/have-a-ruben-being-fucking-done-with-the-world
> 
> (that's my tumblr by the way, feel free to chat me up)


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